Pillow as Base

Single parenting is not for pussies.

Its funny because I am a bit of a pussie and I mean that in the best way possible - no pussie shaming here.  I am a girl's girl.  The only machismo I muster is when I approach the barbell.... the rest of the time its glitter, heels, and false eyelashes.  I have always had the belief that I can best manifest my butt-kicking-amazon status visa via making sexism work for me. That said - I am not about using the master's tools.

I am happy  that the word "woman" has a "man" in it - not an issue nor any need to change the spelling to "womyn".  So like I said, not pussie shaming- but celebrating - I love being a woman. I love being a strong woman. I love lifting heavy, running far, crafting policy in a man's world and wearing high heels and leaning into my own femininity.

Just acknowledging - that I am not someone who is cut from the single parenting cloth. Those men and women are far nobler and more skilled than I.  My hat is off to them- each and every one - I am not clear how they pull it off.  I feel like I often limp to the end of each day like a hobbled runner trying to cross the finish line. My pillow beckons as a form of base - when I hear the kids' snortles - I am "free" - except for the nightmares and physical ailments that plague them.

Its been nights of shared beds and pain-filled wakings...  It appears now that my "healthy" child may have some odd immunological ailment...  we go in for testing next week.... conveniently prior to the pre-clinical trial hospitalization of her sister ... in the meantime she wakes every few hours sobbing in pain....

And the days - oh lord - the days... today was so bad its comical... I know that in addition to the medical issues- my girls have other frailities... lets just say it was a day to re-read Viktor Frankl and to try to not react to the seemingly endless parade of acting out antics.

I failed miserably.  And yet, I choose tomorrow as a new day and a new opportunity.